Remember when you were a kid and you thought you were so cool when you got the chance to tell someone who just walked up to your conversation “Why don’t you M.Y.O.B.”, or “This is a Mayonnaise and Mustard conversation so why don’t you just Ketchup later”?

Well, I’m not trying to be rude and tell you to Mind Your Own Business here, but you should go ahead and Make Your Own Butter immediately.

Why? Because butter is delicious, you put it on everything (don’t act like you don’t), and if you make your own you can flavor it any way your heart desires. Plus have you seen how expensive some fancy flavored butters are these days? You’re smarter than that, and you have a KitchenAid mixer – that’s why you should just make your own butter.

It’s quite simple really. You just attach the wire whisk to your stand mixer, pour in some top notch organic heavy whipping cream (you’ll be saving elsewhere so don’t skimp here). Then set the mixer to medium speed.

I left mine running while I sat down and caught the first part of How I Met Your Mother. During a commercial break go check the bowl, it will probably look light and fluffy like whipped cream. Mmmm, whipped cream…but go back to your show, you’re not making whipped cream, you’re making butter. Scrape down the sides of the bowl if need be, and turn the mixer up a notch to medium high then go back to your show.

Oh Barney, your womanizing ways are so funny, and Ted, when will I finally meet the mother?

After a few more minutes you’ll notice the texture completely change, and there may or may not be milk sloshing out of the bowl – don’t be alarmed, this is a good thing. You might need to pause and pour out the milk that has separated from the yellow glob that is beginning to form, and then return the butter glob back to the mixer for one last minute of spinning on high to get the rest of that milk separated from the butter.

Presto! That’s it! You have butter now and you can flavor it however you’d like. To make sure that your fresh homemade butter will keep longer and stay non-spoiled-milk-smelling you might want to go the extra mile, and add this last step to the process.

Once you’re done with the spin cycle gather your butter into a ball, and place it in a bowl of ice water. I’m talking a bowl of ice water so cold your hands can barely take the chill. Then gently knead the butter ball pressing out more of the milky white liquid. (your water will almost become opaque). Then dump the milky water, add more chilled clean ice water, step-and-repeat until your water remains clear while kneading.

Then add a touch of salt if you like, or some fresh herbs. Or how about something sweet like macerated raspberries or cherries? That would make for a delicious butter to spread on top of Sarah’s Low Fat Banana Bread. Now that’s a healthy balance, plus the butter is healthy too because it’s organic and you made it from scratch. Right?
I’m going with it.

Here’s my recipe for Maitre D’ Butter if you’re feeling even more adventurous.

Maitre D’ Butter

2 Cups butter softened

1tsp salt

Pinch of fresh cracked black pepper

2 tsp Worcestershire Sauce

1 small shallot minced finely (about 1 tbs when chopped)

1 small clove of garlic minced finely

1 tsp fresh oregano

1 tsp fresh thyme

1 tsp fresh chives

Saute the minced shallot and garlic until the garlic is softened and the shallot is translucent. Remove from heat and set aside to cool completely.
Chop all the herbs, and once the shallot and garlic are cooled add all ingredients in a bowl and gently fold until combined.

Once combined gather the butter on a sheet of wax paper and roll in to a log for storing. Will keep up to one week in the fridge, or a few weeks in the freezer.